January 31, 2010.
Well, I'll never be mistaken for a dedicated blogger of any sort. My wife tells me that you have to post every to keep any interest Obviously, I have not done that. If you have been following this blog (which according to my count meter you have not), then I apologize for such a gap. I am easily distracted.
Let's start with the "big news" as it were. A day or two ago I crossed what was, in my mind, a magical thresh hold of sorts: I am under 300 pounds for the first time in many, many years. While it seems surreal, that means that I've dropped over 50 pounds since December 28, 2009. Funny thing is, because the weight loss has been so fast and dramatic, it doesn't seem real. Yet, it must be. I went to church today and if it weren't for my belt my pants would have spent the day around my ankles. My shirt won't tuck in properly anymore because the pants/belt combo are insufficient to keep the shirt tails tuck it, so I look a bit shabby. Also, the other day I got the urge to go through all my clothes in my closet. The vast majority now fit me again, or are very close to being my size again. All of my shorts fit. All of my jeans fit. many of the shirts that I had given up on ever wearing again are now in play again. It was kind of fun, actually.
That's the good side.
On the bad side, I am still on the "soft food" diet, but that hasn't been too bad. It's a damn sight better than that horrid liquid diet was on for the first two weeks after. I do pretty well w/ deli style meats and soft cheeses. When the soft diet started, I went to a little Japanese grill nearby and got a single meal of grilled steak and scallops, because I am allowed to eat most seafoods now. Those teriyaki-grilled scallops were quite good. I am learning, however, that my new stomach comes with a price. First, I literally have to force myself to eat slowly. And by slowly, we're talking like making one ounce of food last about 5-10 minutes. When they sewed me up, the made the entrance to my stomach smaller, thus limiting how much food can be ingested at one time. To this point, I'd been pretty good about trying to make myself eat slowly, but last night I baked a batch of shrimp and scallops scampi. It tasted good, but I had skipped lunch that day (I was napping after a scout outing the in mountains where I slept in a snow cave all night) and so I was actually feeling a little hungry and I ate too fast. I paid the price because a few minutes later I had to throw it back up, which is the first time that has happened since the first day after the surgery. Strangely enough, throwing up in now a different experience also. Prior to the surgery, when I vomited, it felt like my whole torso was contorting and being crushed. Not so much now, thought I would never call it a positive experience either. Anyway, afterward, I actually felt pretty good. I just made sure I took some liquid and didn't try to force any food for the rest of the night.
Another result of the surgery has been that I have bowel movements far less frequently than I ever did before. And for some reason that has really bothered me. I don't mean to be graphic, but prior to my surgery I was quite "regular". Now, it seems that I go 4-5 days with no real need. It actually kind of worried me (I was afraid I had a blockage or something) so I went and go some milk of magnesia and took a dosage. Next morning, I guess I was assured that I have no blockage. By the way, milk of magnesia is, quite possibly the foulest concoction ever devised, and it is only made worse by the addition of strawberry flavoring. Just thought you ought to know.
The numbness and tingling in my legs continues to be a problem. I did a little probing on the Internet (because we all self-diagnose these days, I'm sure our doctors love it) and I suspect that it's being caused by a pinched nerve somewhere. Everything assures me that it should resolve itself and I should not worry about it. That is, unless it's an early warning sign of MS, in whch case I'll be dying soon. Guess I'll hope for the pinched nerve.
Suture lines on the stomach are all really good except one, which I think was the main one. For the most part it's okay, but every once in a while I bend the wrong way and it let's me know it's not amused. I turned to get out of my car this evening and had to stop and sit for a second. It didn't like when I reached out to hoist myself out. I suppose that means I won't be back to the weight room for a week or two yet. I'd hate to have my guts squirt out of that hole like toothpaste.
Back to the food issue. I do tend to get indigestion/acid reflux very easily, though it's not severe by any means and I can usually beat it back with fluids. I'm still trying to decide if food tastes the same to me now as it did a month ago. I'm certainly still stimulated by the smell of food cooking and advertisements on TV can get my attention, but I just don't feel "hungry" like did before. When I eat, I often have to stop for a moment as the stomach will go into momentary spasms that can be uncomfortable. I hope that stops at some point.
I eat cheese (including cheddar) and last week I even ate some pork w/ gravy that was actually good. I do fill up in a hurry, so I don't eat a lot (which is the point, so that had better be the case). And it's pretty much confirmed that they'd like me to follow an Adkins-type diet for a few months until I hit my goal weight. In other words, lots of proteins and fat with not much carbs. Do you know how hard it is to avoid carbs? The noodles in pasta, the bread in a hamburger bun, potatos, rice, etc. I guess I can do that, but I think I may keep tortillas in my diet because I ate a part of one yesterday and I tolerated it pretty well. And let's face it, I am not exactly being tortured by having to eat eggs, meats and cheeses.
I have noticed that I have a hard time keeping myself properly hydrated. I was at church today and sipping water from the fountain. Afterward I told my wife that I miss being able to "chug" a glass a water. But, that's just not really an option any more. Now, I sip and sip and sip. I'm still happy to have the Gatorade, though.
I weighed this morning and I was at 294.9 pounds. I should probably start to track that better so I can see how much I'm losing on a weekly basis. I'll get my wife to measure me tonight and I'll post some new measurements tomorrow when I get the chance.
Lastly, I was unprepared for how my weight loss has played games with my wife's head. She's not really angry at me, but it is clearly frustrating to her how easily the weight has come off. She is by no means fat, but she has about 10-20 pounds she has been trying to shed for some time now. She diets, watches she eats and does a killer workout in the morning (so much so she could hardly walk for about 3 days after starting) but she struggles to get it off. Thus, while she is clearly relieved to see me losing the weight, it's not exactly happy days for her either.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Getting Better All The Time.
Six days out from the surgeery now and feeling much, much better. Most of the pain is gone and what's left is more than manageable w/ the meds I was given. In fact, I'm only taking them at night to make sure I sleep well. And in just a week there are some fairly major changes. First, apparently I'm not snoring any more. That in itself is a huge deal. I've snored pretty steady for several years, much the chagrin of my dear wife. Now, apparently that issue has resolved itself. I'm not sure why, though. I can't imagine it's just the weight loss because, while I'm down to 311, when I was on my way up to 311 I was still snoring. The only thing I can figure that opening up all that space in my torso has made my night breathing easier. If you ask my wife, that it itself might be worth the price of surgery.
I am pretty much as mobile now as I was prior to the surgery. There are a few things I can't do. For example, i was lying on the floor this evening and rolled over to try and push myself up "push up" style. That made one of my suture lines feel like it was going pop, so we won't be trying that maneuver for a while. I'm still a little stiff getting out of bed and I try to avoid lifting much weight (though I have slipped on that a couple of times with no apparent pain). I do still experience some of the peripheral "gas" pains that the doctor talked about. They've steadily lessened, but this evening I got one stuck in my shoulder (yes, gas pains all the way to the shoulder, short of like a preview of what my heart attack would have felt like) and it won't go away unless I lie down. So, I'll lay in bed and type this.
The real "major" issue that I'm experiencing at this point appears to be something related to the nerves in my legs. Prior to my surgery, I started noticing that the big muscles in my upper legs would get to feeling numb on the outside edge, especially if I worn jeans or something tight. I has assumed the weight was cutting off circualation and that once I started to lose it would gradually lessen. However, in someways it's actually gotten worse. I went for a walk w/ my wife yesterday and my the time we got back my legs literally felt like they were on fire, but to touch the skin it felt numb. That went away simply be sitting back and resting. However, it's been happening more and more in the night was I sleep. It's like when I lay down something is getting cut off so that when I roll over or make the slights move, it literally feels like the skin on my leg is ripping apart. I keep hoping that will get better, but it is definitely something that I'll address w/ the doctor this week.
The fact is, in most ways I feel as good, if not better, than I did prior to the surgery. That, of course, doesn't count the "eating" thing. In many ways, I have literally gotten a new stomach, and I'm still not sure what this baby can do. Pain wise, it feels good. I still get cramping here and there, but that seems to tail off more and more each day. However, eating can still be a somewhat painful experience. Cold drink can made it flop over. Certain foods still make me want to blow chunks at the very thought of them (can you say chicken or beef broth?). I have started drinking the protein shakes again, just to make sure I'm getting enough in my system to function. I certainly don't feel hungry, but for several days the mere thought of food was enought to turn my new stomach. That has changed a little. My wife baked bread again today, and the smell was very inviting. Also, the kids at Papa Murphy Pizza for dinner, and that made the ol' stomach growl a bit too, which I found heartening. I wan't to be thin, but I still want to be able to enjoy the foods that I do eat. I have eaten a small bowl of Malt o Meal with a little butter, but next time that baby's got to have a little sugar because otherwise it's like eating wet sand. Also, my sister-in-law made some potato soup and brought it over and for the past couple of nights I've been able to put down a few spoonfuls of that also. In fact, I probable could have done more but there wasn't much left. Fact is, I don't really know what this new stomach is capable of yet and I haven't learned to interpret the signals it's giving me. Is that feeling telling me that I'm full? Or is it a hunger cramp telling me I could do with a little more? Or is it just pain from digestion?
I also need to talk to the dietician about this apparent two week jihad against sugar in my diet. I am wondering if that's just a calorie watch thing or if there is a medical reason for it, because about the only drink I can stomach right now, beside water, is a low-sugar G-2 Gatorade drink which I have been nursing for most of each day. I could get more fluids if I can up the sugar content a bit. And if it's just calorie intake they are worried about, I don't think they should. Honestly, at this point I'm probably living off 500-600 calories a day.
Finally, as promised, I do have some new pictures, so view at your own risk. I guess I see a difference. I certainly feel a difference. However, former University of Utah basketball coach, Ric Majeris, was once asked about weight loss. He said he'd dropped 30 lbs, but on his body that was like tossing a deck chair off the Titanic. I know how he felt.
I am pretty much as mobile now as I was prior to the surgery. There are a few things I can't do. For example, i was lying on the floor this evening and rolled over to try and push myself up "push up" style. That made one of my suture lines feel like it was going pop, so we won't be trying that maneuver for a while. I'm still a little stiff getting out of bed and I try to avoid lifting much weight (though I have slipped on that a couple of times with no apparent pain). I do still experience some of the peripheral "gas" pains that the doctor talked about. They've steadily lessened, but this evening I got one stuck in my shoulder (yes, gas pains all the way to the shoulder, short of like a preview of what my heart attack would have felt like) and it won't go away unless I lie down. So, I'll lay in bed and type this.
The real "major" issue that I'm experiencing at this point appears to be something related to the nerves in my legs. Prior to my surgery, I started noticing that the big muscles in my upper legs would get to feeling numb on the outside edge, especially if I worn jeans or something tight. I has assumed the weight was cutting off circualation and that once I started to lose it would gradually lessen. However, in someways it's actually gotten worse. I went for a walk w/ my wife yesterday and my the time we got back my legs literally felt like they were on fire, but to touch the skin it felt numb. That went away simply be sitting back and resting. However, it's been happening more and more in the night was I sleep. It's like when I lay down something is getting cut off so that when I roll over or make the slights move, it literally feels like the skin on my leg is ripping apart. I keep hoping that will get better, but it is definitely something that I'll address w/ the doctor this week.
The fact is, in most ways I feel as good, if not better, than I did prior to the surgery. That, of course, doesn't count the "eating" thing. In many ways, I have literally gotten a new stomach, and I'm still not sure what this baby can do. Pain wise, it feels good. I still get cramping here and there, but that seems to tail off more and more each day. However, eating can still be a somewhat painful experience. Cold drink can made it flop over. Certain foods still make me want to blow chunks at the very thought of them (can you say chicken or beef broth?). I have started drinking the protein shakes again, just to make sure I'm getting enough in my system to function. I certainly don't feel hungry, but for several days the mere thought of food was enought to turn my new stomach. That has changed a little. My wife baked bread again today, and the smell was very inviting. Also, the kids at Papa Murphy Pizza for dinner, and that made the ol' stomach growl a bit too, which I found heartening. I wan't to be thin, but I still want to be able to enjoy the foods that I do eat. I have eaten a small bowl of Malt o Meal with a little butter, but next time that baby's got to have a little sugar because otherwise it's like eating wet sand. Also, my sister-in-law made some potato soup and brought it over and for the past couple of nights I've been able to put down a few spoonfuls of that also. In fact, I probable could have done more but there wasn't much left. Fact is, I don't really know what this new stomach is capable of yet and I haven't learned to interpret the signals it's giving me. Is that feeling telling me that I'm full? Or is it a hunger cramp telling me I could do with a little more? Or is it just pain from digestion?
I also need to talk to the dietician about this apparent two week jihad against sugar in my diet. I am wondering if that's just a calorie watch thing or if there is a medical reason for it, because about the only drink I can stomach right now, beside water, is a low-sugar G-2 Gatorade drink which I have been nursing for most of each day. I could get more fluids if I can up the sugar content a bit. And if it's just calorie intake they are worried about, I don't think they should. Honestly, at this point I'm probably living off 500-600 calories a day.
Finally, as promised, I do have some new pictures, so view at your own risk. I guess I see a difference. I certainly feel a difference. However, former University of Utah basketball coach, Ric Majeris, was once asked about weight loss. He said he'd dropped 30 lbs, but on his body that was like tossing a deck chair off the Titanic. I know how he felt.
Here's a close-up of my belly, complete with the incision scars. Nice.
From the front. By the way, the belly shave now itches like crazy.
From the side is where I see and feel the most difference. Clothes that haven't fit right in a while now do. That's a nice feeling.
Let's face it, is there anything sexier than hairy love handles?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Who was I kidding?
So, the last time I posted I noted that I was going to take my laptop with me so I could post about my surgery shortly after it happened. Looking back, that was probably a bit optimistic. And that wasn't the only irony of that day.
Let me walk you through how it happened. First, the hospital called me on Friday and said that my surgery was scheduled for 8:30 a.m. I immediately informed that that no, it was not, since I had specifically informed my doctor and his crew that I had a court hearing that morning and would not be available that early. Long story short, we got it moved to Noon. But then they called me back and said that I had to be their by 10:00 a.m. That was a little bothersome as I had made that very clear and it bugged me that no one has listened.
So, I went to my hearing and got in and out very quickly, drove home to pick up my wife and my bag of stuff and we headed off. I kept expecting to panic at some point, but I guess at that point I was just too far invested (literally) to back out. traffic was good and we got to hospital by about 10:05 and started the check in progress. Funnily, the woman who checked was in was married to a guy who had a gastric bypass at 15-years old (she claimed he was the youngest ever) and we discussed his experience for a while. Now, I realized that his procedure was done way back in the 80's but note to the hospital, it's probably best not to have the woman checking you in telling you hospital horror stories!
After that, it seemed to go very quickly. They came and got me, placed me in a small room, had me dress in a skimply little hospital gown, shaved part of my belly (no small task) for an EKG and stuck in my IV line. That was the part that probably bugged my wife the most as she's had several IVs in her life and none was pleasant. Mine was only slightly uncomfortable The doctor came back by and spoke to us briefly, long enough to tell us 1) that my procedure had been delayed for about an hour and half and 2) that they had decided NOT to do the single incisiion procedure. You know, that procedure that required me to go on the liquid diet for TWO WHOLE WEEKS rather than just one? Yeah, turns out that whole extra week wasn't really necessary. That also bothered my wife a lot more than it bothered me (by that piont I couldn't muster enough energy to care). However, that does mean that I forwent cake on my birthday and some nice dinning experiences with my wife's family. Then again, the point of all of this is to lessen the love of food in my life.
After a while, the anesthesiologist came by and gave me some medicine in my IV which he said was just a sedative that would calm me down. I have to admit, I didn't feel much but shortly thereafter they came and got me and rolled me to the OR. I still wasn't feeling anything except, maybe, a tiny buzz in my head. I as able to scoot myself over to the OR table and I remember lying down and looking up at the ceiling, after that I got nuthin'. We're talking total black out, so if what they gave me was just a sedative, wow, I think they over did it.
Now, I'd like to paint a nice picture here about gently waking up and easing my way into a pain-free, narcotic controlled consciousness, but I can't tell you that it happened that way. My first memory is of a monstrous pain in my stomach, followed by a rolling nausea that I don't recall ever having experienced (and I'm still not sure I did experience it since the whole thing has a very dream-like feel to it). I know that I was trying to vomit and it hurt like the dickens and remember that even in my drug induced stupor I wondered what retching like that would do to my new stomach.
From that point on, it's all a vague haze until about 10 or 11 p.m. that night. I remember my wife being at my bedside and stroking my head. I remember her, I think, holding a small bucket under my chin as my stomach continued to rebel. However, by that time I believe that had given me a pain killer, the kind that I could control with a little button. Believe me, I held that button in my hand like it was my child that whole night.
I know that was in and out of consciousness for most of the rest of that day. I remember having conversations with my wife and speaking rationally, then just a few moments later my mind would wander off into a dream but I know I was awake. I finally came around enough by about 9:00 p.m. to send my wife home. I then slept for most of the night, or at least what approximated a night's sleep as it seemed like they woke me up every few minutes to take a temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level, etc. Oh, and one thing no one bothered to tell me was was about the heparin shot I had to get every 8-hours....in my stomach! Don't flinch too much, however, the needle was very small and the shot really wasn't that painful.
The next day was Tuesday, it started okay. They took me off the IV narcotic and put me on an oral drug, which I drank down without any problems. I felt pretty good morining ("pretty good" being a relative term). I was sipping water and it was staying down. At breakfast and again at lunch I was able to keep down a tiny bit of tasteless, sugarless pudding (though nothing else even sounded good). My wife came back a little after noon and shortly thereafter things took a decided step downhill. I took a sip of water and again thought my stomach was going to explode. I started retching, but there was nothing in my stomach to come up, except a little bit of blood left over from the surgery and little mucus. And it didn't stop most of the afternoon. They gave me two types of anti-nausea medicine, one injected in my rear. They didn't really help and everytime I tried to drink water or anything I'd just start throwing up again.
I was also experiencing the transient gas pains that they talked about. They start in your check and shoot up through the shoulder and neck. I'd walk the corridor a little, but I probably should have walked more as I think it would have helped.
Anyway, it was fairly quickly decided that I wouldn't be going home that day and by that night they put me back on the IV and the self medicator. That night was actually pretty good because I could control the pain better. It wasn't a fabulous night's sleep, but it wasn't bad either and more restful that the previous night. The next day the doctor came by and basically said that I could stay as long as needed and the hospital couldn't charge me anymore, so I stayed one more night, if for no other reason than to come home and make my wife wait on me. At least the nurses got paid for it.
And that was about it. I came home on Thursday morning and immediately took a two hour nap, which actually felt really good. My wife found some low sugar, low cal Gatoraid that I tolerate pretty well and I was able to nurse that along for most of last night until I finished it. This morning, I was able to eat a little bit of yogurt and I've been feeling pretty good today.
At this point, I get occasional stomach cramps, usually when I first drink something, that pass fairly quickly. I also still get the transient gas pains but not as often and not as severe.
Honestly, I don't know how a person could prepare yourself for something like this. Fact is, no matter what, it's gonna' hurt. Period. You might as well must accept that if you are considering this procedure. Just get it in your head that the first week after surgery is going to be miserable. Also, be advised that you'll be essentially useless for sometime after that also, as you are prohibited from lifting above 8 pounds of weight. Still, I am much better today (Friday) than I was on Tuesday and expect by Monday I'll be feeling pretty good. At this point, food isn't really an issue. It's certainly not a temptation as I'm basically forcing myself to eat and drink at this point. According to the scale, I'm down to 316 pounds, so that's what's supposed to be happening. I'll post some more pictures (complete with incision marks) later on. I'm actually curious as to the difference my self.
So, there ya go. Week 1 of the new life almost complete.
P.S. This may be too much info, but while I was in the hospital, it was a big relief for me to pass gas. That's yucky, to be sure, but it was painless relief and let me know that my system was still functioning despite this trauma I'd put it through.
I'd like to tell you how this effect my wife and family, but it's hard to say. It's been hard for my wife but in ways I didn't anticipate (and I'm not sure she did). She is worried about what my decision says to my girls and their views of themselves. Of all my kids, I'd worry most about the second boy. He's heavier and you can see him having a weight problem if he isn't careful. He hasn't even hit puberty yet and he's probably 8 inches to a foot taller than all his classmates. I think that once he hits puberty he'll grow out of it, so I don't worry too much about him. I hope the only message my kids get is that I loved them enough to take this step so I could be around for them for a very long time.
Beyond that, I don't know how to control the message it sends. Hopefully, as I lose the weight and get more active, the benefits of what's I've done will become much more apparent.
Let me walk you through how it happened. First, the hospital called me on Friday and said that my surgery was scheduled for 8:30 a.m. I immediately informed that that no, it was not, since I had specifically informed my doctor and his crew that I had a court hearing that morning and would not be available that early. Long story short, we got it moved to Noon. But then they called me back and said that I had to be their by 10:00 a.m. That was a little bothersome as I had made that very clear and it bugged me that no one has listened.
So, I went to my hearing and got in and out very quickly, drove home to pick up my wife and my bag of stuff and we headed off. I kept expecting to panic at some point, but I guess at that point I was just too far invested (literally) to back out. traffic was good and we got to hospital by about 10:05 and started the check in progress. Funnily, the woman who checked was in was married to a guy who had a gastric bypass at 15-years old (she claimed he was the youngest ever) and we discussed his experience for a while. Now, I realized that his procedure was done way back in the 80's but note to the hospital, it's probably best not to have the woman checking you in telling you hospital horror stories!
After that, it seemed to go very quickly. They came and got me, placed me in a small room, had me dress in a skimply little hospital gown, shaved part of my belly (no small task) for an EKG and stuck in my IV line. That was the part that probably bugged my wife the most as she's had several IVs in her life and none was pleasant. Mine was only slightly uncomfortable The doctor came back by and spoke to us briefly, long enough to tell us 1) that my procedure had been delayed for about an hour and half and 2) that they had decided NOT to do the single incisiion procedure. You know, that procedure that required me to go on the liquid diet for TWO WHOLE WEEKS rather than just one? Yeah, turns out that whole extra week wasn't really necessary. That also bothered my wife a lot more than it bothered me (by that piont I couldn't muster enough energy to care). However, that does mean that I forwent cake on my birthday and some nice dinning experiences with my wife's family. Then again, the point of all of this is to lessen the love of food in my life.
After a while, the anesthesiologist came by and gave me some medicine in my IV which he said was just a sedative that would calm me down. I have to admit, I didn't feel much but shortly thereafter they came and got me and rolled me to the OR. I still wasn't feeling anything except, maybe, a tiny buzz in my head. I as able to scoot myself over to the OR table and I remember lying down and looking up at the ceiling, after that I got nuthin'. We're talking total black out, so if what they gave me was just a sedative, wow, I think they over did it.
Now, I'd like to paint a nice picture here about gently waking up and easing my way into a pain-free, narcotic controlled consciousness, but I can't tell you that it happened that way. My first memory is of a monstrous pain in my stomach, followed by a rolling nausea that I don't recall ever having experienced (and I'm still not sure I did experience it since the whole thing has a very dream-like feel to it). I know that I was trying to vomit and it hurt like the dickens and remember that even in my drug induced stupor I wondered what retching like that would do to my new stomach.
From that point on, it's all a vague haze until about 10 or 11 p.m. that night. I remember my wife being at my bedside and stroking my head. I remember her, I think, holding a small bucket under my chin as my stomach continued to rebel. However, by that time I believe that had given me a pain killer, the kind that I could control with a little button. Believe me, I held that button in my hand like it was my child that whole night.
I know that was in and out of consciousness for most of the rest of that day. I remember having conversations with my wife and speaking rationally, then just a few moments later my mind would wander off into a dream but I know I was awake. I finally came around enough by about 9:00 p.m. to send my wife home. I then slept for most of the night, or at least what approximated a night's sleep as it seemed like they woke me up every few minutes to take a temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level, etc. Oh, and one thing no one bothered to tell me was was about the heparin shot I had to get every 8-hours....in my stomach! Don't flinch too much, however, the needle was very small and the shot really wasn't that painful.
The next day was Tuesday, it started okay. They took me off the IV narcotic and put me on an oral drug, which I drank down without any problems. I felt pretty good morining ("pretty good" being a relative term). I was sipping water and it was staying down. At breakfast and again at lunch I was able to keep down a tiny bit of tasteless, sugarless pudding (though nothing else even sounded good). My wife came back a little after noon and shortly thereafter things took a decided step downhill. I took a sip of water and again thought my stomach was going to explode. I started retching, but there was nothing in my stomach to come up, except a little bit of blood left over from the surgery and little mucus. And it didn't stop most of the afternoon. They gave me two types of anti-nausea medicine, one injected in my rear. They didn't really help and everytime I tried to drink water or anything I'd just start throwing up again.
I was also experiencing the transient gas pains that they talked about. They start in your check and shoot up through the shoulder and neck. I'd walk the corridor a little, but I probably should have walked more as I think it would have helped.
Anyway, it was fairly quickly decided that I wouldn't be going home that day and by that night they put me back on the IV and the self medicator. That night was actually pretty good because I could control the pain better. It wasn't a fabulous night's sleep, but it wasn't bad either and more restful that the previous night. The next day the doctor came by and basically said that I could stay as long as needed and the hospital couldn't charge me anymore, so I stayed one more night, if for no other reason than to come home and make my wife wait on me. At least the nurses got paid for it.
And that was about it. I came home on Thursday morning and immediately took a two hour nap, which actually felt really good. My wife found some low sugar, low cal Gatoraid that I tolerate pretty well and I was able to nurse that along for most of last night until I finished it. This morning, I was able to eat a little bit of yogurt and I've been feeling pretty good today.
At this point, I get occasional stomach cramps, usually when I first drink something, that pass fairly quickly. I also still get the transient gas pains but not as often and not as severe.
Honestly, I don't know how a person could prepare yourself for something like this. Fact is, no matter what, it's gonna' hurt. Period. You might as well must accept that if you are considering this procedure. Just get it in your head that the first week after surgery is going to be miserable. Also, be advised that you'll be essentially useless for sometime after that also, as you are prohibited from lifting above 8 pounds of weight. Still, I am much better today (Friday) than I was on Tuesday and expect by Monday I'll be feeling pretty good. At this point, food isn't really an issue. It's certainly not a temptation as I'm basically forcing myself to eat and drink at this point. According to the scale, I'm down to 316 pounds, so that's what's supposed to be happening. I'll post some more pictures (complete with incision marks) later on. I'm actually curious as to the difference my self.
So, there ya go. Week 1 of the new life almost complete.
P.S. This may be too much info, but while I was in the hospital, it was a big relief for me to pass gas. That's yucky, to be sure, but it was painless relief and let me know that my system was still functioning despite this trauma I'd put it through.
I'd like to tell you how this effect my wife and family, but it's hard to say. It's been hard for my wife but in ways I didn't anticipate (and I'm not sure she did). She is worried about what my decision says to my girls and their views of themselves. Of all my kids, I'd worry most about the second boy. He's heavier and you can see him having a weight problem if he isn't careful. He hasn't even hit puberty yet and he's probably 8 inches to a foot taller than all his classmates. I think that once he hits puberty he'll grow out of it, so I don't worry too much about him. I hope the only message my kids get is that I loved them enough to take this step so I could be around for them for a very long time.
Beyond that, I don't know how to control the message it sends. Hopefully, as I lose the weight and get more active, the benefits of what's I've done will become much more apparent.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
T'was the Night Before the Surgery.....
No sure what say. The day is almost here and, yes, I'm getting a bit nervous...to say the least. Actually, the fear kind of comes and goes. Honestly, the biggest fear I have is that this thing is just so permanent. Once it's done, it's done, and there is no going back. I worry that on the other side I'll just miserable. I feel like I'm giving up something that's been such a part of my life and there is a part of me that doesn't want to give it up. Am I always going to crave those cheeseburgers and pizza? Do I really want to give up the pleasure that eating has always given me?
I think I'm starting to understand what my wife has been saying about the need to replace that. The question is: with what?
Physically, I'm doing pretty well. I've lost about 30 lbs on the liquid diet, though interestingly, the weight loss has tapered off the past few days and I seem to have bottomed out for now at about 321 lbs. Still, even that loss has made a big difference. My clothes are fitting better already, and I an actually time my shoes without so much straining. I'm just so damn hungry! This diet is not something that you should really do beyond what I've done. Though to be honest, today has been worse because I've been limited to water for the past 48 hours on the advice of my PCP, who says that's the best way to really get that liver down to a manageable size. We'll see. I also live with this low level fear that they will crack me open tomorrow and then say they can't do the surgery because my liver is too big. I don't think I could do this diet any longer and I don't know what more I could have done. Honestly, I"m wiped.
I had the final pre op meeting w/ the doc. They gave us more info on the post surgery diet, etc. Basically, I am still stuck w/ a liquid diet for the next two weeks, but that includes stuff like cream of wheat, etc., so that should be okay. Two weeks after I move to "soft foods" which includes stuff like scrambled eggs, and I like eggs so that will be good. I think that probably includes mashed potatoes and the like also, so that should be okay. I also found out that the hospital has Wi-Fi so if I'm in any shape to do so, I'll try and post more tomorrow, post surgery.
I think I'm starting to understand what my wife has been saying about the need to replace that. The question is: with what?
Physically, I'm doing pretty well. I've lost about 30 lbs on the liquid diet, though interestingly, the weight loss has tapered off the past few days and I seem to have bottomed out for now at about 321 lbs. Still, even that loss has made a big difference. My clothes are fitting better already, and I an actually time my shoes without so much straining. I'm just so damn hungry! This diet is not something that you should really do beyond what I've done. Though to be honest, today has been worse because I've been limited to water for the past 48 hours on the advice of my PCP, who says that's the best way to really get that liver down to a manageable size. We'll see. I also live with this low level fear that they will crack me open tomorrow and then say they can't do the surgery because my liver is too big. I don't think I could do this diet any longer and I don't know what more I could have done. Honestly, I"m wiped.
I had the final pre op meeting w/ the doc. They gave us more info on the post surgery diet, etc. Basically, I am still stuck w/ a liquid diet for the next two weeks, but that includes stuff like cream of wheat, etc., so that should be okay. Two weeks after I move to "soft foods" which includes stuff like scrambled eggs, and I like eggs so that will be good. I think that probably includes mashed potatoes and the like also, so that should be okay. I also found out that the hospital has Wi-Fi so if I'm in any shape to do so, I'll try and post more tomorrow, post surgery.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Diet (week 2)
The diet has been interesting, to say the least. I wish I could convey what it's actually like to go without solid food for a week. The first three or four days were simply miserable. You must understand that food plays a very large part of my life. During those first 4 days, you really do obsess about it. Every smell of food just threatens to send you over the top. My first week was even worse because it came over a holiday and my wife's family was in town and there was food everywhere! That makes it really hard. However, as the week wore on I noticed that it got easier and easier, thought at times you think you're going to lose it. The protein shakes do a reasonably good job of keeping hunger pangs in check, so if you can keep busy, that helps to get past the rough spots. Although I must admit that at one point last week I would have killed for a Pizza Hut Meat Lovers. At times I was woozy and light headed. At others I was nauseous and felt sick. One unexpected issue is the fact that the protein shakes have lost their appeal For the first few days they were actually good, but now I have no desire to see another chocolate or vanilla protein drink in my life. Honestly, at this point I'm surviving on about two of them a day. The dietitian tells me that there are actually protein drinks that come in fruit flavors like lemon and berry. That would have been better.
Psychologically, this has begun to get harder also. Actually, it would be stated that it is getting scarier. As I was driving home from the court today I was struck by a mini paic attack as I realized that the surgery is less than a week away and my preop appointment with my doctor is just a few days away. More than that, the hospital started calling asking for their money. Having to fork out the case definitely drives home the point that this is for real. I was okay after I got back to work and chatted with my wife for a few minutes. She's been very supportive of the whole effort, and is feeling her own fears at this point. The same as previously described, only starting to intensify.
Ah, one interesting thing of note. When I went to my last doctor's appointment and they weighed me, I was 346 lbs. This morning I jumped on my wife's scale. I was 324 lbs. Yes, I 've lost a little over 20 pounds in just under 9 days. My wife says she can tell. Personlly, I think that is like tossing a deck chair off the titanic. I do not believe that this is real weight loss. I'm sorry, but you don't just strip 20 lbs off in 9 days. My wife thinks that some bodies are different and can lost that much weight that quickly. It doesn't doesn't feel real to me. Still, I'll be interested to see what the final total turns out to be.
If the rest of the week is like the past two days, I think I may be able to do this. I suspect that the weekend will again be the worst as I'm at home and time doesn't go as fast, etc.
BTW, if anyone is actually reading this, I'd appreciate some feed back or a some comments. just so I know I'm not talking to myself.
Psychologically, this has begun to get harder also. Actually, it would be stated that it is getting scarier. As I was driving home from the court today I was struck by a mini paic attack as I realized that the surgery is less than a week away and my preop appointment with my doctor is just a few days away. More than that, the hospital started calling asking for their money. Having to fork out the case definitely drives home the point that this is for real. I was okay after I got back to work and chatted with my wife for a few minutes. She's been very supportive of the whole effort, and is feeling her own fears at this point. The same as previously described, only starting to intensify.
Ah, one interesting thing of note. When I went to my last doctor's appointment and they weighed me, I was 346 lbs. This morning I jumped on my wife's scale. I was 324 lbs. Yes, I 've lost a little over 20 pounds in just under 9 days. My wife says she can tell. Personlly, I think that is like tossing a deck chair off the titanic. I do not believe that this is real weight loss. I'm sorry, but you don't just strip 20 lbs off in 9 days. My wife thinks that some bodies are different and can lost that much weight that quickly. It doesn't doesn't feel real to me. Still, I'll be interested to see what the final total turns out to be.
If the rest of the week is like the past two days, I think I may be able to do this. I suspect that the weekend will again be the worst as I'm at home and time doesn't go as fast, etc.
BTW, if anyone is actually reading this, I'd appreciate some feed back or a some comments. just so I know I'm not talking to myself.
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