T'was the Night Before the Surgery.....

No sure what say.  The day is almost here and, yes, I'm getting a bit nervous...to say the least.  Actually, the fear kind of comes and goes.  Honestly, the biggest fear I have is that this thing is just so permanent.  Once it's done, it's done, and there is no going back.  I worry that on the other side I'll just miserable.  I feel like I'm giving up something that's been such a part of my life and there is a part of me that doesn't want to give it up.  Am I always going to crave those cheeseburgers and pizza?  Do I really want to give up the pleasure that eating has always given me? 

I think I'm starting to understand what my wife has been saying about the need to replace that.  The question is: with what?

Physically, I'm doing pretty well.  I've lost about 30 lbs on the liquid diet, though interestingly, the weight loss has tapered off the past few days and I seem to have bottomed out for now at about 321 lbs.  Still, even that loss has made a big difference.  My clothes are fitting better already, and I an actually time my shoes without so much straining.  I'm just so damn hungry!  This diet is not something that you should really do beyond what I've done.  Though to be honest, today has been worse because I've been limited to water for the past 48 hours on the advice of my PCP, who says that's the best way to really get that liver down to a manageable size.  We'll see.  I also live with this low level fear that they will crack me open tomorrow and then say they can't do the surgery because my liver is too big.  I don't think I could do this diet any longer and I don't know what more I could have done.  Honestly, I"m wiped. 

I had the final pre op meeting w/ the doc.  They gave us more info on the post surgery diet, etc.  Basically, I am still stuck w/ a liquid diet for the next two weeks, but that includes stuff like cream of wheat, etc., so that should be okay.  Two weeks after I move to "soft foods" which includes stuff like scrambled eggs, and I like eggs so that will be good.  I think that probably includes mashed potatoes and the like also, so that should be okay.    I also found out that the hospital has Wi-Fi so if I'm in any shape to do so, I'll try and post more tomorrow, post surgery.